Dear Rosie –
Since the moment you entered this world (at 9:50 PM on September 14, 2017) – you completely changed my life. You showed me an entirely new meaning for love, gave me a new purpose for living, and made me a mother – the best job in the world. The love that you gave to me every single day made my world keep going. Nothing felt better than when you would reach your arms up for me to pick you up, when you would come snuggle next to me (no matter where I was sitting), when you would get so excited to see me when I’d approach the car after a workday, when you would only want “Mommy do it”, when you would ask for “one more hug” “and kiss” before going to sleep at night, and when you would give me a big kiss and say “I love you Mommy” for no apparent reason at all. You made me feel needed and so very loved and for that I am so grateful.
Since the very beginning – you had a smile and a laugh that could light up any room. You really were always so happy and as long as you were with us – you were content. You brought so much joy and excitement into our lives and into the lives of anyone who knew you. You made me so extremely proud – at how brave you were, how smart you were, how well you listened to me and Daddy, how sweet you were – even to strangers, how FUN you were, how beautiful you were, how good of an eater you were. And lately with each day and week that passed – you were developing some new skill or learning something that made your personality that much more special. I wonder what you’d be doing now…
I will never understand why this happened to you and to our family and I am so sorry that as your mother I could not protect you from this. But what I do know is the everlasting impact that you have had on our hearts and our lives – more of an impact than someone possibly could have on others in a full life on this Earth. You single handedly taught me the most important thing in this world and the only thing that really matters – LOVE ENDLESSLY. It’s our love for you and each other that is getting us through these days. It’s the memories of your precious 2 years and 3 months that continue to light that flame. And it’s the love that I am so confident that you had for me in return that makes me feel capable and worthy of going on amidst the pain and tragedy.
My purpose in this life completely shifted since you left us. The only thing that seems to matter now is staying on the path that will bring me to you – the path that will bring me to heaven. I hope that with each day that passes – I get more solid in that mission, that my faith never waivers, and that I make you as proud of me as I always was of you.
I need you to know that you took a piece of my heart with you to heaven and because of that, we are always together. There is not a moment of the day that you aren’t on my mind and long to be connected to you in any way that I can.
I love you so much sweet girl and I’m so blessed to be your Mommy. I’m determined to do that in the very best ways that I can from here, but please be with me always, give me strength, and bring me moments of joy (like you did so often when you were here).
I miss you and I pray that God is giving you big hugs and ugga muggas in heaven.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. I know that you were going to be the absolute BEST big sister and I was so excited to see you take on that role. I am confident that you will still be with this baby in all of the best ways and I will be looking for you every day in this baby and in any other future children that God blesses us with. We will make you a central part of this family forever – you watch!