Today I am beginning my grief diaries and on the first day, I needed to watch a sunrise and dedicate it to my Rosie girl. I thought no better way to see a sunrise than from Rose's bedroom - where I watched a few sunrises that week after she passed away. The sun naturally radiates and shines through into Rose's room - making it such a bright place to be during the day.
As I'm sitting here waiting for the sun to rise, I'm realizing that this is the first day since December 20th that I have woken up to do something for/with Rose. And when my alarm went off this morning, I jumped out of bed (also a first since that horrible day). I wish it was for something totally different. I wish I was just coming in to grab her snuggly, happy self out of her crib. I wish I was bringing her into bed with me and Charlie to watch Daniel Tiger or a movie before starting the day. I wish I could sit here in her rocking chair and hold her so tight, and kiss her all over, and sing her whatever songs she asked me to, however many times. I wish I could see that infectious little smile of hers and look into her big eyes and tell her how much I love her and hear her say it back in her perfect raspy voice. I wish I could brush my fingers through her soft, bouncy curls. I wonder how much longer her hair would be by now.
There's a million things I wish I could do - but they all involve her being here. So here's to finding new and special things to do with my baby. Ways to be with her each day in a different capacity. May she feel my love from heaven and may I feel hers right back. I'm excited to spend every morning of these next 31 days with my sweet girl, my angel.