My Dearest Olivia,
I wish more than anything that things were different for so many reasons, but mainly for you. You deserve the best that life has to offer and the best that dad and I have to offer. As long as I'm living - I will do everything that I can to give that to you.
I wish that your big sister Rosie was here - so that you could feel her love. She was incredible and she was so excited for you to join our family. Every night before she went to sleep - we would pray for you and Rosie would lift up my shirt to kiss my pregnant belly and say "Hello Baby." I pray that you felt all of those kisses and will continue to feel all of her love every single day of your life.
I wish that Daddy and I weren't broken. That we were as naively happy as we were before December 20th. I pray that these scars will someday turn us and our family into an even stronger unit and we will see something beautiful from them. But you were born in the middle of us healing, long before the wounds have scabbed over and I'm so sorry that the circumstances aren't different for you right now. We are giving you the best that we possibly can - I just feel sometimes that isn't enough for you. You deserve more. But nevertheless, this is our reality, our story, and the cross that we have to carry together as a family. And you, my love, will help us to carry that cross.
You have brought some sunshine and some joy back into our life. You have given us purpose again - a reason for living. You have made us smile and laugh. You have made me a Mom again - the best job that I will ever have. You have needed me and snuggled into me and looked at me with those big eyes that have so much love behind them.
I know as time goes on we will grow together. You will get older and I will hopefully get stronger, but I never want you to forget that you have given me life - a reason for being and I am so grateful to you for that.
I hope that together we can find ways to remember Rosie. To keep her spirit alive and I hope it's something that you will appreciate and enjoy. I will make sure that you know your sister and understand how blessed you are to have a sister in heaven to protect you and guide you through this crazy life. I know she's not physically here and there's pain and heartache associated with that - but the love is the same. No distance can destroy the love and I know that Rose will find ways for you to feel that love.
But Livi girl - I also hope that we have our own special things and that you develop your own special connections with me and daddy. I hope that you have elements that are like your sister - maybe her wild curls or her silly personality - but I also hope that you have your own things that make you you. Because you too will be incredible.
I hope that when you are sad or lonely or confused - you can find strength and comfort in knowing that together, as a family and with our faith in God - there isn't anything that we cannot get through. God is with us in our darkest moments and our brightest moments and if there's ever a day that Dad and I are not here - I hope you rely on the one person who will never leave your side - God (& Rosie).
I hope that although these circumstances were unimaginable and excruciatingly difficult - that your life is full of joy, laughter, silliness and LOVE. I hope that one day - when you're older and you understand the magnitude of all of this - you will be proud of me and daddy. And when you are proud - remember that you were our fuel to carry on. And we love you more than words could ever express.
On the day you were born - "Here Comes The Sun" was playing in the hospital. You are our sunshine. You are our rainbow after/during our storm. Keep being that forever and I promise to help you shine.
"Little Darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little Darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, doo da doo doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right"